5 Years Away

On Friday night I got up to pee (as is so common in pregnancy) around 2am in the morning.  It was hard to get back to sleep (common also!) so I decided to write out what I would say for our testimonial Sabbath.  I knew it was the end of the year testimony Sabbath and I couldn't let the year go by without going up and sharing about God's love and goodness.  I had been feeling depressed (pregnancy hormones definitely to blame).  Because it had been 5 years since I left Thailand and my family.   A lot of times here in Singapore have been really lonely for me and I have always prayed for friends.  Anyways, here is what I shared that Sabbath morning.  It was really embarrassing  because I cried a lot while up front.  Oh well...haha.  Despite everything I cannot deny God's love, goodness and faithfulness.

5 years ago today. I moved to Singapore.  It was one of the hardest things for me to do - leaving behind all that I had known and love.

I came here not knowing what my future would hold.  Would I ever get a proper pass to live in this country?  Would I be jobless forever?  Would I get used to this place, people & culture?  Would I have any friends?

It turns out I did get my pass (dependent pass). I did get a job and held 2 passes (dependent & work permit). I got used to Singapore and learned to enjoy the food, malls, parks.  I knew this place even better than Bangkok. I did make friends in unexpected ways and places.

Then. I started to wonder if I could survive the stress of my job.  How could all the bills and expenses be paid with my pay which is less than what I would get paid in Thailand.  Would I ever get to make use of my degree which took me 4 years to get??  And still would I ever have any friends?

Almost 4 years into my job I did not get fired. I haven't gone hungry or kicked out of our house for not being able to pay the bills. I enjoy teaching preschool children and have gained experience in ways I could not have gained anywhere else.  I have made life long friends even though most of them eventually leave.

I have a blog (a journal that is online) in which I write down different experiences in my life. I started writing in it since 2008. This week i just looked back on it and I have seen my worries and how things have turned out even though I couldn't tell at that time how things would turn out.

It reminded me of a quote by Mark Twain "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."

For me, I can say personally that all my worries didn't happen because God has had a plan and has guided me all along. I have seen him work miracles and open ways and work things out. Over and over again I want to knock myself on the head because I should have known I could bring it to God and he would indeed answer my prayers.  Time and time again I have caused sleepless nights and sickness that were unnecessary because even if I couldn't see it in that moment He was there all along working things out.

My life has always been and I have a feeling will continue to be like a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. My one constant and my one best friend has been Bayu. He has been so patient with me and does all he can because he wants to see me happy. Then I think, if Bayu who is a human can love and care for me and want me to be happy how much more God whose love is higher,wider and deeper than the sky, universe or ocean?

Today I can't say I have no worries. That would be a huge lie.  In fact, I'm going through another phase of questions and doubts and fears about my life and the future. Can we make it on one income next year? How am I going to raise a child? Will I have to have a c-section? Will I have a friend that stays longer? And the list of questions go on.

I will leave this pulpit this morning and this year 2013 with these questions in my mind but I will be leaving with hope in my heart. I cannot discern the future but I have seen God work in my life for the past 5 years here. He won't be stopping there. I just need to look back at his word at how he's been there for my family and not forget what he has done. I will cling to him despite all my doubts and I know one day I will testify once again of his goodness and faithfulness in my life.

Miscellaneous Moments While Expecting

In my first trimester I was craving this pasta.  I ate it and then puked and after that didn't want to eat it again.  I don't even like to look at this picture until now.

Yes I craved sour stuff.  My lemon and salt which I also puked up afterwards and which I feel I never want to eat again.  (I used to eat like this since childhood).

Sometimes I get anxious about what the future will hold.

Week 11-12 my parents came to visit!  They were such a great help especially since I was really really sick at this stage.

Weeks 15-16.  My morning sickness was just going away but I got another ( I had many episodes especially during the first trimester) migraine attack.  I didn't take any medication and it caused me to feel so nauseous plus I got the really bad case of the flu at the same time.  I felt so bad and sick.  I was sick for a whole week and was just in bed.  I had to take some medications too because it was really bad.

Bayu also got sick.  I forget if it was before or after I did.  But he made sure not to contaminate me by wearing the mask at home.  Using disinfectant spray and lots of hand sanitizer. :D

Poor Daddy.  He got so sick.  

20 Weeks.  You can see my chubby face. hehehe.

22 Weeks at work.

25 Weeks - at Indonesian ministry bbq.

June Trip - The Day We Found Out! (Pattaya Trip Day 3 & 4)

Sunday - June 23, 2012

One reason why I ran my Full Marathon last December 2012 was because Bayu and I planned to get pregnant in 2013.

On March of 2013 I had a false alarm and really thought I was pregnant.  However, it turns out I wasn't and we were both really disappointed.  But through this we knew that we indeed wanted kids.  After that we kinda stopped trying and guessing if this month would be the month and just let it be.

Little did I know that the whole time I was holidaying in back home I was pregnant!

I just assumed it was another false alarm and didn't want to be bothered but after everyone left from Pattaya back to Bangkok and it was just my sister, Bayu and I left my sister and Bayu asked me to just take 1 test.  They were the only ones I told that I was late that month.  So we bought the test and and did the test in the hotel room.

Low and behold.  It was positive.  I was shocked.  Bayu as shocked. Hazel was happy.  We were all happy actually.  It's just that it happened when we least expected it!

And what a blessing and perfect timing!  To find out when my sister was there and to be able to tell my family in person once we arrived in Bangkok.

Below are the pictures the moment I/we found out.

Just to be sure the next day, Monday we went to the hospital before dropping home to take a blood test (we didn't want another false alarm).  It turned out positive as well!  And I was already around 4 or 5 weeks pregnant.

So that evening the next day we brought my parents to Fuji and told them at dinner that they were going to be grandparents :D

What???

Are you kidding me???

I can't believe this!

Hahaha I was just being drama.  Actually I was really happy.  Just shocked too :D

Fooling around Lol.

Last dinner in pattaya.  Lovely restaurant called the Glass House.  Walking distance from our hotel and also beside the beach.

Contemplating on the latest events on our lives.  Still so surreal.  Didn't really kick in until days, weeks later hahaha.

On the way back to Bangkok Monday morning.  Had to drop by and buy some fruits.  I was indeed craving fuits!  After this we didn't go straight home but went to the hospital to take  blood test first.  

I want!

So colorful I love it! Should I save up and get it as a reward for myself when I can complete my 21k??? Hehhehee ;)

I thought the ones I have now were already colorful until I saw this one.

But my ASICS Gel Nimbus 13 Limited Edition is still my one love :D

What's the emoticon for AARRGGGHHHH!!!!

This morning first thing at work someone told me "I think the kids aren't learning anything"...I was so UPSET to put it nicely. I've been working my BUTT off and that's a wonderful comment to receive!....it so like totally like ruined 10 minutes of my day...Hahahha...yeah gotta learn to"in one ear out the other"....

I'm really worried about Bangkok. Despite how bad it is I wish I could be there not because of the "holidays" i mean it's my home and country...*sigh...I've been on bangkok post everyday and it seems to be getting worse especially today.

There are like tons of comments on facebook about people saying their praying for Bangkok. I was so tempted to write on my status "while you're all praying for Bangkok could you also slip my name in your prayers"...hahah yeah because I've been sick for 3 weeks in a row already! *SIGH...

I'm really really happy my parents are here though. Really really happy. Anyways, I have some pictures I took just wanna post it up.

This was today. Bayu at the Mission Office. They just installed 3 new computers for the pastors...so hi-so..hahaha.

This was yesterday. My first day back at work after a 2nd round of mc. I had to go tutoring and of all the times it rains the time that I get off work. And over here it's so hard to get a cab. It's not just anywhere and the "proper" place to get one is at the taxi "Q" so here's a pic of the taxi "Q" Yes...long line and no taxi in site...Anyways, that evening I got home and practically had another relapse...ahhh!!

No...Not a Replase!

Last last Saturday I woke up with a fever and sore throat. The fever never went down until the next day so I went to see the doctor. I had influenza A. I had to stay home all week. I missed 1 week of work.

Got back to work this past Monday. I thought I was all better. Tuesday went to work I didn't feel so well...That night I felt so cold I wore 3 layers of jacket and 2 layers of pants and socks and covered myself with a thick blanket. But I woke up feeling fine so off I went to work.

Lo and behold! By the end of the day I had lost my voice and I was having a fever but there were some things I needed to finish! So I forced myself to keep on going and tada! I could hardly walk for I was feeling so unwell...went to the clinic and the Dr. said another 5 days off work... NO!!

Well, I do need my rest. Just keeping you updated. Thanks for your prayers it saved my life. I really thought I was gonna die yesterday.

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Who will listen...and understand?

Who will listen...and not judge?

Who will listen...and know the right words to say?

Blogspot Status

Just like facebook

Lerie Grace is.....

Feeling unwell from dunno what! Well, it could be the Mt.Everest of laundry I had to fold and the Mt. Fuji of clothes I had to wash and hand on the ceiling. All the stretching of my arms folding and hanging clothes has taken it's toll. Not to mention the crazy sleep hours and eating habits. Aaarrgghh.

I need a massage!

Anyways, It's gonna get more tiring as I try to clean the house spotless before my family comes in a few weeks.

Oh and I got a job offer! If ( I will, I should, I might) I accept it I'll finally have some form of a life! Yayz!

I'm going to do a small speech/sermon on the "Gift of Relationship" (love and courtship) to the huge Balestier Filipino AY group this Saturday. I'm also scheduled to teach different Sabbath school classes for the rest of the year. Ha!

I have 3 congregating pimples on my right cheek.

Oh and I think I need to post some pictures up here soon..duhhhh.

=)

Goodbye

You guys, I'm leaving to Singapore today.

I don't want to say much because I want my makeup to stay on my face =)

Just wanted to write a post before things get too busy.

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I'll be back here when I'm settled and have access to internet in Singapore.

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You guys...I"m so sad...

T_T I'm in a state of wanna-be-bipolar =)

Why do our eyes get red and swollen when we cry?

Why is it so hard to stop yourself from crying once the tears escape?

Why does our nose run and get blocked?

Why can't I find the water pump that is pumping the tears out of my eyes so that I can turn it off?

Why does it hurt to cry?

Why is it so hard to forgive?

Would you treat people the way you do if you could see how they suffer when you're not looking?

Why does ice help to get rid of a swollen eye?

Why does sleep come easily to some but harder to others?

Why do words hurt more than sticks and stones?

Why can one comment make you or break you?

Have you heard the song "No Goodbyes" by Shimona?

I've turned off the faucet. Please don't turn it on again.

That Loud Sound Last Night

Once in a while the transformer (those containers hanging on the telephone post with all the electrical wires) in the soi I live in would have some sort of short circuit and explode. If you are there to see it it either catches fire or has lots of sparks then goes away. The electricity around that area (including my house) will also go off. It happens quite often and becomes pretty normal. It usually happens during the day or evening though.

But last night, around 3 am I heard a loud bang or explosion. I practically jumped out of my skin. I thought it was another transformer explosion. But there was something different about the sound. I never usually feel scared of that sound. I thought it was just because it was so early in the morning and with all the unrest in Bangkok it just made me a little uneasy and jumpy. I also couldn't confirm if it really was the transformer because the fan in my room was off anyway so I couldn't tel if the electricity went out. I lay there with my eyes wide open waiting to hear screams or sirens or some commotion but there was nothing. So I lulled myself to sleep by repeating over and over that it was just the transformer.

While I was lying awake I was thinking of what it must be like to be in a real "war" situation or "terrorist" situation and I was like "I would be freaked out I'd probably faint and die!" So I was thankful I didn't hear sirens or any commotion and went to sleep.

This morning I was chatting with Hazel on gmail. She was telling me that the people in the office are all talking about the explosion last night. What was it? It was a grenade in one of the apartments in the soi next to the soi I live in. Mr. Edgar who lives in Unitech apartment and near where the grenade went off said that the whole building shook.

I was really freaked out when I heard that news. It was like the closest I've come to my nightmare and I didn't even know it! From what I know though it doesn't have to do with the whole PAD or whatever.

But still...Welcome to Thailand...a grenade goes off and it's not even on the news. Just another topic to talk about. Haha..But what's new..I mean those transformers exploding regularly is nothing new either!

*Sigh*

I'm Crying a River

I've been saving up pictures to blog on. Pictures from the last two weeks. I was just about to start blogging on them when...it was accidentally deleted...ALL of it. I'm sorry. No beautiful pictures of me, food and trivial stuff I've been up to.

You should hear my wails and cry of despair.

Queen Sick-of-it

Just like Sharon said the other day on FB - I'm sick of being sick! It's been exactly a weeks since I got sick and I feel like I'm beginning to forget what it feels like to be healthy, wealthy and wise!...well..just healthy I mean. (The wealthy and wise doesn't exist =p) I know I'm alllllmost well but there's still that blocked nose and the icky phelm in my throat. Not to mention the cough and the snoring sound I make when I try to breathe in and out at night. *Sigh....It's horrible to be sick it is. Oh I really pray for those people who are like bed-ridden sick.

Anyways, I'm sounding like such a drama queen. I'm more fine than I sound. I have some place to go to. See you around everybody.