Questions & Answers that come later

This morning I woke up around 5.30ish because and got up to the toilet at around 6ish. That's what I usually do during my normal day of work. But since Friday was the last day of work I'm free from work until God gives me one.

I thought I'd stay awake but I went back to bed and fell asleep until 8. I got up went on fb, read my emails and your guys's blogs. I got sleepy and went back to sleep and got up just now at around 10.30ish.

Bayu and his parents are arriving at around 2pm. Hazel will drive there but she can leave work at 2.30. I've been trying to do anything to let time pass by quickly until 2 comes. I wanna see him. It's been 4months since we last saw each other and I just want to lay eyes on the man I'm going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I just want to be reminded about why I'm getting married and making some drastic changes in my life.

I've still got lots of stuff to do. In a way I'm glad my wedding preparation didn't come so easily so that I won't take it for granted and it will be really precious to me. I can't imagine having to prepare for a wedding over again. I'd just die. It's too much work and stress! Haha.

Anyways, I must confess that lately when people ask me how I feel that my wedding is so close or that they are excited for me...well, I feel like they are even more excited than I am! Right now I'm not even thinking about the wedding day. I'm actually thinking about the day I'll be leaving, which if everything goes according to plan, would be next Friday. I'm thinking how can I enjoy my day when I'll be leaving?...I know, so negative of me.

Am I ready to leave? Am I ready to be away from my family whom I am so close with when I could actually have chosen to be with them even a few more years? I can leave Thailand, I can leave my job and my students and the church and all the people I know but thinking about leaving my family is just the hardest thing for me.

Sonya told me on Sunday before she left the Renie told her that his wedding day was the happiest day of his life. Will my wedding day be the happiest day of my life??? I just feel so bad having these thoughts and feelings so close to my wedding day.

Another thing is that these pills that the doctor gave me for birth control hasn't affected my weight or improved my pimples but I think it has made my emotions go down into the depression zone. I feel like my students at work who need medication which helps them to actually like somebody they hated when they weren't on that medication!

What else can I let loose on this post about how I'm feeling?
Am I really ready?
Will I be a good wife?

P.S. With my emotions going up and down... don't be surprised if my next post is all about how excited I am and how sure I am about the decisions I've made. =)

I feel so bipolar. I really feel for my students. I hope I get a job in special education in Singapore.